i had signed up for a workshop of 6 beg/int modern dance classes at the Mark Morris Dance School in downtown brooklyn a few weeks ago. despite my feeling crappy (inside and out) i still planned on going. the classes were all paid for…
so off i went. with my gym bag, my lock, my “dance” clothes, because they were really gym clothes and i was a little nervous. i made a pact with myself that i would do this to find “my” art again, and that i wouldn’t let the shape of this 45 year old body deter me.
it isn’t so easy (to deal with that last part) when you have a wall of mirrors to show you who you are. you see yourself wobbly on one leg, you see yourself struggle to do the simplest thing like breathe while you take a step. you see how far you’ve let yourself go. it was tough, humbling. how your mind says, sure i can do that, i’ve done that before, but the body…well, the body has no clue.
i was shocked at how i’d forgotten how hard dance is. that you WILL break a sweat. that it isn’t only about the physical. i was arrogant in thinking that since i run and go to the gym, a beginner class would be cake.
nothing kept proving me wrong more than that body in the mirror.
and yet…
i believe that the one and a half hour i spent in that class is going to be life changing…because it fed my soul. it will point me to feeling centered, it will bring the beauty that is movement back into my life. this is movement that exists only to please the eye and the spirit, not to get to a finish line or to the 30 minute count on the eliptical trainer. that the class was accompanied by live music was the icing on the cake…
that i ran into a fellow dancer from college that i hadn’t seen in over 20 years was the cherry. we caught up somewhat, but i have a feeling i’m going to re-connect with some of the other dancers from that college as well.
i’m sore as hell this morning. again, i feel silly for thinking i wouldn’t be. how did i forget? the blisters on my feet, the soreness that wouldn’t go away? the bruises whenever we did floorwork? how could i forget the dirty feet??? Modern Dance is done mostly barefoot.
we’ll see where this takes me. i’ve got a feeling it’ll be somewhere really really good.
