everytime i’m feeling nostalgic, i come back here and read entries… and sometimes i laugh, sometimes i feel down…so much, not enough. but i am grateful that it is all still here.
i had a flow. just spilled out and it reads real and good. i’m proud… i think of all the music, all the people that influenced the writing. all the funny situations, the bad awful ones, painful to the bone…from the past…it all matters. matters a little less these days. the ghosts don’t hurt so much anymore…
sometimes i look for them to feel that little bit of pain and perhaps be inspired to write better than i am today…
what will happen next? what is in store for me?
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there are a handful of songs that just pluck a chord inside me and send me into a mad panic…i remember my late teens, my twenties…and it’s so painful sometimes, i feel like i wasted so much time. i find myself wondering what has my life been? what will happen to me as i enter my 60’s and 70’s… how will i manage? i think about all the people that really touched my life…i think about losing them and how will i manage? and then i just hope i go first.
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is it the meds? is it just me? is it the long work hours with endless critical cases that break me?
have to snap out of this…need to move my car for alternate side parking..nothing like ny fucken city to annoy me out of impending depression…
